Sade doesn't talk much. She likes being left alone and when she does want to be social she converses and messes about with Carter - he is her safe haven. She does most of her talking through her blog. She can say what ever she wants and look at pretty things on the internet. When she is in need of someone other then Carter, Emily is her go to girl.
Though Emily is her best friend, she doesn't know of the attacks taken place by J and C. Sade is too embarrassed to tell anyone what happens to her, she keeps it hidden away in her awareness of the fact that it's going to happen again. Because she is a freak. And Freaks get what they deserve. The words given to Sade by J and C personally.
Emily being a tattooist helps Sade in a way that she can never understand. The feeling of the needle entering and exiting her skin help her forget and make the pain of her past subside for the duration of the session. Sade would never share that though. Sometimes things are better left un said. She would rather have Emily as a friend for who she sees and not the pity that would arise if she knew the truth. Emily is better left in the dark on these omens that Sade carries. Better left unsaid.
She understands that she is fat, slutty, freakish, ugly and everything else they can spit into her face through anonymous comments. She wishes they would understand that she isn't just all of those things. She believes in her soul that no matter what she looks like on the outside, her heart and recognition for others shines brighter than her grotesque shell.
The day becomes weak after the attack. She rushed into the room without Carter noticing her naked, jumping around in tears. She puts clothes on and enters the bathroom. Before she can close the door and let herself cry, Carter announces he is leaving for work. With a kiss barley touching her lips, he is gone. Off into the world. No one dared mess with Carter. He was too confident in a sense that he made friends so easily. And women loved him.
She runs a hot bath, deep like the ocean. Their bath is wide, wide enough for her to lose herself. Drowning was once attempted in this bath. This bath tub carries most of her pity and shame. She uses knives in this bath. She tries to remove her shell of fat. Disgraceful, ugly, disgusting cuts on her soft, tanned skin. She wants to drown but her body is strong, it overtakes the mind as an instinctive mechanism. It wont let her down. She wants to stay down but the elements of something else, something different; pure and untainted; loving but restrictive is holding her up. Like a mother holding her baby at bath time, never letting it slip too far below water line. The day is hers, to experiment the patience of this element. To die one hundred times before nature takes it's course to bring her body back to the surface, over and over again. Until she is alone no more and familiar faces flood the house like the water floods her lungs.
