And she knows it. She knows he does not want to be with her. His distant association towards her makes her sick. She feels the sympathy. It's not a loving sympathy though. No. It's not even a friendship based sympathy. It's something else, and it's not good. It's sickening. He is disrespectful toward her when she is just trying to do her best. She loves him but the feeling of loving someone who doesn't love you back makes her sick. It makes her sick. It makes her really, really sick.
She remembers a time when he and his friends invited her to have 'mad hangs' which is what they call going out and getting drunk. She was exited because it was her being included in something. Something where maybe someone else wanted her around too. They set off to go and get alcohol and Carter promised he would be back within the hour. He looked so genuine as he walked away from her.
Two and a half hours passed when she asked his little sister to make a call for her, to see if everything was okay, to see if Carter was returning. Carter answered and said he was 15 minutes away at a shop just a few blocks away. And as the third hour came to a close another call. Carter then said that they were in another suburb. More than one hour's walk from where home was.
Carter had been drinking, that much was clear. He was carefree of what Sade had to say to him, of what anyone had to say to him. He was acting cheeky, sly, rude, hurtful. He didn't care though, because with his ego and alcohol, nothing breaks through. Even on this level he could not feel the usual 'sympathy' as he usually does for Sade. Which is a good thing, sympathy is poison.
So Sade had been ditched. Hurt and drained from the day she had just endured on top of the wait she sat. Sat and tried to figure out what to do. Was this fair? Was he really lying to her or was he telling her the truth? Either way, I don't have an answer for you all tonight, but what I can tell you is, Sade went to sleep that night, broken and shallow hearted. She sobbed herself to sleep and what happened that night when the drunken boys came home is to be continued...
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